It hurts in my brain

Depression is a form of illness that carries a certain stigma. One of the reasons for that is the Western (especially American) ideals of character, willpower and personal responsibility, which are in conflict with the concept that our moods, motivations and behavior can arise from uncontrollable chemical phenomena. I don't know how to solve that problem; I think an ethos of personal responsibility is necessary to society, but at the same time I think we need to recognize that there are many factors influencing human behavior that are not in our control. It's a paradox that I've not yet found anything even resembling a solution to - if you have ideas, I'm always thrilled to see my comment box put to good use.

Separate from the conflict above, though, is simple ignorance. I have the strong impression that there is a vicious cycle by which sufferers of depression don't reveal that fact to others, even their close friends, creating the impression that it's relatively rare. And because it seems so unusual and is somewhat stigmatized, they don't talk about it with others. And so it goes.

I can't see a reason that it should be any more unusual to talk about depression than about the flu. And as someone who suffers from depression, I feel like it's important to help create a world in which that kind of discussion is normal.

So yeah. This week has been stinky. Do you know that sinking, achy feeling you get as a child when you get in really serious trouble? When I get depressed, I feel like that nearly all the time, for no reason at all. Also, I can't sleep at night and find it very, very difficult to get up in the morning. Fortunately, I'm a pretty low-grade case; I seem to only have this once or twice a year, and it rarely lasts more than a few days. Also fortunately, I've somehow managed to surround myself with awesome people who love me and hang out with me when I'm having a bad time.

This isn't going to be a blog about my depression, or even a blog that frequently talks about the subject, but it's been my intent to address it at least once. And now I have. Tomorrow, with any luck, I can be funny or at least mildly amusing again.

(Photo by Pedro Oliveira)